Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
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I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
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James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize