we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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