I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
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