Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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