i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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