The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
