Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
