I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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