Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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