Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
