I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Sober January is a disaster.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
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Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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