So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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