Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Shame - the story of my life.
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