i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
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neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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