I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
