His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
How external is "for external use only"?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
