First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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