Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
