Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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