rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
3pm strippers are depressing
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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