I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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