you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
