im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
