I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she told me i tasted like america
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
