ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
