i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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