Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
