he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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