The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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