I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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