we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
