you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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