you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We had to coat check the pizza.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
