Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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