I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
