did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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