WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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