did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
