We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
