I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
