I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He keeps bees of course he's weird
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
