She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
