I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
