it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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