hotel room ftw
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
