so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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