Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
