i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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