I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice