If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
