So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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