I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
