You work out of a Hotel?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
