btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
