do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
