There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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