Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
