p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
