and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
