I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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