i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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