weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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