Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
