It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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