why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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