Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
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Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
NoShamevember. You game?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
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I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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