you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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