Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
