making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
